Monday, March 30, 2015

March Madness' Non-Trademarked Cousin, March Foolishness: The Road to The Most Awful Portmanteau in America [Round of 64]


As March Madness chugs along and the NCAA exploits its unpaid workforce (don’t worry—I filled out a bracket too), we’re meanwhile trying to determine the Most Awful Portmanteau in America. We’ve seeded a list of the most ridiculous, insufferable, terrible, horrible, contrived compound words, and opened it up to your scrutiny. Here are the results for our Round of 64. 
If you’d like to vote in our Round of 32, click here to fill out your picks by 10 a.m. CT on April 2.


Ridiculous Foods (Midwestern) Conference

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Conference Highlights: In what is being billed the “handheld refreshment upset of the decade,” GoGurt (12) took an early lead over Frappuccino (5) and never let go. McDonald’s stalwart, Drinkcessorize (1), proved reliably more annoying than pregnant ladies’ stalwart, mocktail (16). In the Thanksgiving centerpiece matchup, Tofurky (4), the ostentatious vegan doorstop, crushed the noble ambitions of turkducken (13). And brunch (3), the portmanteau that essentially started it all (this trend of bastardizing culinary nomenclature to spawn corporate Franken-foods), was surprisingly no match for Funfetti (14).



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To vote for or against the above contenders, click here.

Insufferable Pop Culture (Western) Conference


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Conference Highlights:
 No shock that the widest margins of victory point to the abject awfulness of affluenza (1), a word defense attorneys use when wealthy white males murder their families, and feminazi (2), a word maladjusted white males on 4chan use to describe any woman who leaves the kitchen without their permission. Mansplaining (13) narrowly eclipsed manscaping (4) and Brangelina (11) gave the boot to bootylicious (6).

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To vote for or against the above contenders, click here.
Terrible Business Jargon (Eastern) Conference
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Conference Highlights: The ultra-demeaning momtrepreneur (1) expunged the likes of Pintervention (16). In a match that looked closer than it appeared, digerati (3) defeated staycation (14)—maybe because the digerati thinks they’re half-Illuminati instead of half-literati, or maybe because they’re the ones who invented concepts like staycation to show how important they are. Freemium (6), one of the stupidest expressions ever invented by your cable company, advances to the next round. As does vlog (7), one of the most pretentious ways to answer your aunt’s question, “What do you do for a living?”



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To vote for or against the above contenders, click here.

Miscellaneously Horrible (Southern) Conference

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Conference Highlights:
 Despite a cult fan following, guesstimate (16) could not furnish the necessary votes to take down swapportunities (1), the nonsensical top seed of murky origin. In the size-specific exaggeration classic, snowmaggedon (3) eliminates ginormous (14), and in the New York sports-specific phenomena classic, Metsmerized (12) proves less of a crowd-pleaser than Linsanity (5). Infomercial (8), backed by the likes of Ron Popeil and Billy Mays, rounds out the conference with big win over mockumentary (9), backed by the fans of Christopher Guest movies.


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To vote for or against the above contenders, click here.

Remember, Round of 32 votes must be cast by 10 a.m. CT on April 2.