The Habitual Commuter's Handy Flowchart Series: Blue Line or Stroke?

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 Or in the West Side's case, Green Line or Porta-Potty? 

How to Tell if Your Neighborhood is Gentrifying

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Also an applicable statistic: Lululemon stores per capita.

If Presidential Nicknames Were [Widely Accepted] Sexual Positions: the Reputation Matrix

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Note, the objectionableness of Uncle Jumbo depends on whose uncle he is.

Comments Directed at People Who Play the Trombone

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My unexpected foray into white on black. Because ska is, like, all two-tone and shit.

What Would Happen if National Parks Were Privatized and Renamed in the Style of Sports Stadiums

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Prior to this happening, I would obviously be fired from my Cabinet position as America's Panhandle Artist.

How to Entertain Party Guests and Influence Sports Fans: a Super Bowl Bingo Game

First, have your guests fill out a 5 x 5 grid with a random assortment of numbers between 1 and 46. Don't repeat numbers. Don't forget that the center space is free, brought to you by Tom Brady's square jaw line.

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Each number chosen blindly corresponds to an item on this list. Keep copies of this list handy for guests' reference.

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Last, watch TV to confirm the frightening realism of these predictions. Whoever wins gets to take home smoked pork shoulder leftovers.

Loosely Contemplative and Concurrent Postulations on Dogma, Philosophy and Afterlife

This year of loss got me thinking.

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No raptures in sight.

Happy New Year, Everyone! More frequent posts in 2012. Let's not go crazy and throw that "resolution" word around.

The Pie Chart of Iconic 8-Bit Halloween Costumes

Editor's Note: This is one of four recompensive, intentionally back-dated, year-in-review posts.

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The ninety-degree angle of nom-nom-nom.

Or More Aptly, the Elevator- and Desert-Traveler's Faith in Humanity

Editor's Note: This is one of four recompensive, intentionally back-dated, year-in-review posts.

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I was that kid who asked the math teacher when we'd actually have an application for parabolas.

Untitled: a Graphic Representation of My Last Nine Words With Friends Games

Editor's Note: This is one of four recompensive, intentionally back-dated, year-in-review posts.

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7-2.